RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (from “Tales Out Of School”)

Cremin maintained that school was a constant battle of wits between teachers and students, and that the odds were always heavily stacked against us poor impoverished scholars.
“They make up the fecking rules as they go along” he pointed out “and then change them to suit themselves.”
Cremin’s troubles had started in first year. One day the maths teacher asked a question and invited us to raise our hands. Cremin didn’t know the answer and kept his hand down. The teacher immediately pounced on him.
“Mr Cremin, I see you haven’t raised your hand.”
“Ten out of ten for observation” mumbled Cremin under his breath.
“Could we perhaps have an answer from you?” continued the teacher, folding his arms and looking expectantly at Cremin
“But sir, my hand is down.” complained Cremin. “Why don’t you ask someone whose hand is up?”
“Because I am asking you, Mr Cremin.”
“Sir, if I knew the answer I’d have raised my hand like everyone else. That’s what you told us to do – wasn‘t it”
The teacher turned impatiently away and indicated somebody else. He then posed another question and this time Cremin raised his hand. The teacher pointed to Cremin, who didn’t have an answer.
“You had your hand up.” said the teacher accusingly
“For all the good it did me.” replied Cremin.
“Mr Cremin, if you know the answer raise your hand. If you don’t, then keep your hand down.”
“And if I keep my hand down, you will ask me for an answer that you know I don’t have.” said Cremin, feigning bewilderment.
The teacher asked another question. Cremin hesitated for a moment and then kept his hand resolutely down. Again the teacher pointed to him and this time Cremin defied all the odds and came up with the correct answer!
“You never raised your hand.” said the teacher.
“If I had raised my hand then you wouldn’t have asked me and I wouldn‘t have been able to give you the right answer” Cremin replied. “Although I think I may be getting the hang of it now, sir.” he added. “Its like playing a game of  pitch and toss. Heads you win. Tails I lose.”
The teacher slumped slowly down in his chair as if finally admitting defeat, but then suddenly he straightened up and threw out a quick-fire question that caught us all on the hop. Cremin had one hand hand half up and the other hand half down and was immediately trapped like a startled rabbit that had been frozen in the headlights of an oncoming car.
“Ah sir,” he protested “you didn’t give me a chance to know whether I knew it or not.”
“New rules.” replied the teacher. “From now on Mr Cremin, you will be given first refusal for each and every question that is asked in this class. That should put a stop to your gallop.”
“That’s class discrimination – so it is.” muttered Cremin, resuming his seat.
“It serves you right.” commented Murphy who had been observing the exchanges with great amusement. “Sometimes you are too smart for your own good,” he added “but you’re rightly screwed now.”
The teacher posed another question and Cremin’s hand shot up, fingers clicking noisily. He then looked around the classroom and saw to his dismay that he was the only one that had raised his hand. The rest of us didn’t have a clue.
“Talk your way out of this one, smart-ass” whispered Murphy.
Cremin rose slowly to his feet and cleared his throat.
“Ah, Mr Cremin” said the teacher. “I didn’t think that we would be hearing from you again so soon. Pray, what have you got to say to us this time?”
Cremin looked around desperately for some avenue of escape. There appeared to be none. Then, just when all seemed lost, he was suddenly hit by a blinding flash of inspiration
“Sir, an bhfuil cad agam dul amach, más é do thoil é?” he asked innocently, as the class collapsed into fits of helpless laughter.
The teacher silenced us with a look and then waved Cremin impatiently out the door. It seemed that the battle lines had been drawn up and that hostilities between Cremin and the school authorities were about to commence.
However, we knew in our heart of hearts that there was ever only going to be one winner.

BIRTHDAY BOY
Congratulations to Pa Foley from St Ita’s Road who celebrated his fiftieth birthday at the weekend. (He will only admit to 37) Pa celebrated in appropriate fashion at Jack O’Rourke’s Bar on Friday night, together with his mother, brothers, sisters, relatives, neighbours and many former school friends and team mates from the local rugby club. It was a most pleasant evening with good company, great craic, fine food and excellent entertainment. Many old stories were retold and ancient memories revived. Numerous party-pieces were performed, with the younger generation giving the more established entertainers a good run for their money. Pa’s own special rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody” was a fitting and emotional finale to a memorable evening.
Congrats to Pa, and well done to all the family for organizing such an enjoyable function.
HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
There was a huge contingent who returned home to celebrate Christmas and the New Year with family and friends in Abbeyfeale. Among those we met on our travels were Timmy and Josephine Foley and their children back from New York. Mikey Mahony also home from the Big Apple, and Denis Kelly who travelled all the way from Texas. We welcome all our visitors. We hope that they had an enjoyable stay and that they have a safe journey home.
COURSING
Despite the wet weather, there was a large attendance on both days of the Corn na Feile coursing meeting here in Abbeyfeale last Wednesday and Thursday. Some excellent buckles were witnessed and the results were as follows;
OAKS TRIAL STAKE WINNER; YORKVILLE STELLA (owner Pat McCarthy, bred by John McCarthy)
DERBY TRIAL STAKE WINNER; GLANMORE ADAM (owner Tom Mulchay.Breeder Jack Mulchay
CORN NA FEILE PUPPY WINNER; BARRACK BIMBO (owned bred and trained by Shane and Nial Curtin)
CORN NA FEILE ALL AGE WINNER; KILLIMOR MATEY (owner Martin Murphy)
FR CASEY MEMORIAL WINNER; KARA PRINCE (owner Killian Sheeran)
GLENASHRONE STAKE WINNER; ALLIKNOWIS
JIMMY O ROURKE MEMORIAL WINNER; BOOMTOWN PADDY
RUGBY
Ulster were convincing winners on Friday night as they beat a weakened Munster 33-17 at Ravenhill in the Rabo Pro 12. Next up for Munster at Thomond Park the RaboDirect PRO12 clash with Treviso on next Sat 7th January. KO 8.15pm.
Meanwhile Leinster came to a windy Sportsground on New Year’s evening and escaped with a two point win as they narrowly defeated provincial rivals Connacht 15-13 in their Rabo Pro12 clash. Miah Nikora had a chance to win it for Connacht with the last kick of the game from a drop goal. Sadly for him and the vast majority of the crowd the ball dropped inches under the bar and denied Connacht a famous win.

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