Great excitement at the K Club over the weekend as Europe made it three-in-a-row of Ryder Cup successes. The place looked magnificent, the atmosphere was electric, and the huge crowds played their part in probably one of the most important sporting events ever staged in Ireland. (Let us also not forget the Special Olympics and the unforgettable scenes in Croke Park.) Well done to all concerned. We are very quick to knock ourselves but, on this occasion, we can feel especially proud.

Meanwhile, as all golfers know, the game can be a pretty humbling experience. “A hoor of a game” as one disgruntled player remarked recently, having found water for the third time at the par 3 first at Bogmount. (He was actually supposed to be playing the second at the time but was nursing a monumental slice)

Hereunder, is reproduced the top twenty Laws of Golf, and anyone who has ever played this infuriating game will identify with most or all of these.

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant “You looked up,” or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6: The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn’t, how do you explain the way it works against you?

LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent — or some similar combination.

LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

LAW 14: Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).

LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 16: “Nice lag” can usually be translated to “lousy putt.” Similarly, “tough break” can usually be translated “way to miss an easy one, sucker.”

LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

FOOTPATHS

LIMERICK County Council are presently laying down new footpaths at the Mountmahon entrance to the town. This should prove of major benefit to people walking in and out of town ,and should also greatly enhance the appearance of the whole area.

CLUB

A new social club will open its doors to the public on this Wednesday 27^th September. It will be called Le Cheile and it will operate from St. Ita’s Hall, Convent Street. For further details contact co-ordinator Mary Shanahan on 087-9102854.

CHURCH NOTICE

Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament resumes on Monday 29^th September from 6pm to 8pm Monday to Friday.

RACES

Despite torrential rain, huge crowds passed through the town all week on their way to the Listowel Races. Several local golfers attended the Ryder Cup competition at the K Club in Kildare and witnessed Europe’s historic win over the USA.

SOCCER

Abbeyfeale Utd Youths defeated Broadford 4-1 in the first round of the FAI U/17 cup.

GAA

Fr Casey’s defeated Ballylanders 2-7 to 1-9 in a county senior football qualifier and will now play Adare in Newcastlewest on this Sunday in the county semi-final.

RUGBY

There was a good turnout at The Grove on Saturday night for the dance featuring Murt Downes. The league commences in a couple of weeks time.